The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
