Farmville is her only friend.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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