I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
