ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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