why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
