He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Im part way to drunk.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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