found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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