my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
