i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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