You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
