It's a beautiful day for a hangover
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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