Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
