I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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