Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
