her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Im part way to drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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