I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
