I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
