I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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