What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
