just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
