I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
