i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I looked at my own cervix.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
