It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
