Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
