Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
