he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
