My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
