Duck Duck Cougar?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
