So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
