Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
