Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I am naked and annoyed.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
