Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
