She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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