this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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