I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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