I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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