Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
