i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
