my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
