As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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