u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
