I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
