we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
