yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
