I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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