Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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