It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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