i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
