i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
