My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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