You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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